Escape: Jasper's Story
by TheGlassLake
Summary: (ON HIATUS, until I get my new computer set up) This is pretty much my take on Jasper's time with Maria, his departure from the abuse, his time with Peter and Charlotte and finding Alice, along with how she helps him cope. Changed the rating to M just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**First Twilight fanfiction so I'm sorry if it sucks. I've had this idea in mind for a while and I wanted to give my take on Jasper's time with Maria, meeting Peter and Charlotte, running away with them and eventually finding the Cullens. This is hopefully going to be a very long story, one I look forward to writing. **

**Disclaimer: * sigh * I do not own Twilight. I'm borrowing Stephanie's characters for the moment. **

**JPOV. **

I wasn't entirely sure why she was mad. We'd won, hadn't we? Wasn't that all that matters? She was mad, frustrated and looking for someone to blame, angrily pacing in front of the tent she'd claimed as hers. It was off limits to everyone but me. And even then it wasn't wise to go in. "Major!" She snapped suddenly, jerking me out of my thoughts.

"Yes ma'am?" I responded instantly. It was instinct now and the last thing I wanted was to give her a reason to be mad at me directly. I slowly exhaled, pushing calm on her in hopes of lessening her blow on whatever poor soul she picked for tonight. I'd quickly learned Maria had to have someone to take her anger out on. I silently willed her not to choose me.

"_Why _did we lose five today?" She asked exasperatedly, fixing her red eyes on mine, not giving me a chance to answer. "Are you losing your touch? Or was it them? How come it was those four?" I swiftly shook my head. _If you're useful, you're safe. _She couldn't kill me without letting her army go wild. We both knew that. Her anger spiked again and I didn't dare reply. She was only a few inches shorter than me but that didn't give me any comfort. She couldn't kill me but there are things worse than death. Maria was silent for a few minutes, she just stood there glaring at me. Then she slapped me. It did hurt but I wasn't foolish enough to give any sign it did. She started pacing again, talking too fast for me to understand. She slipped into Spanish at some point and I gave up on listening. "I'll deal with you later." Before I could blink, she ran off.

"You know," someone said a few seconds after she was gone. I jumped, almost immediately snarling and making a move to pin him. "It's me, Jasper!"

"Peter-what?" I frowned at him and stood, grabbing his hand and pulling him up. He rolled his eyes. He wasn't annoyed though. I couldn't identify the emotion immediately. _He's sorry for me. _

"You know," he started again, "you don't have to take that. That isn't love." I noticed his eyes were straying past me.

"How would you know?" I snapped defensively. Peter put his hands up and smiled at me.

"First, you're fighting. A lot. That's not normal."

"Friends fight. Siblings fight. Married couples fight. _We _fight," I reminded him although I hated the flash of guilt that ran through him. It was true though. Despite our bond we'd created over the years, we still argued over things and I was a very strong believer in the theory people who were in war together got closer than blood siblings.

Peter stared at me. "Fighting shouldn't include getting physical. Jasper, that's technically abuse." I scoffed at the idea and shook my head. _He doesn't know what he's talking about. _"Jasper damn Whitlock, you can't be serious that this is working." I narrowed my eyes at him. _Jasper Whitlock is gone, _I wanted to say. _He's dead or something…I'm not him anymore. _I barely remembered my human life. What I did was brief flashes of things like getting my first horse, learning how to shoot a gun or someone I assumed was a grandparent trying to explain to me how to make some kind of cake. The few memories I had of my family weren't good ones.

"Just…just drop it, okay?" I shoved past him, wanting to get away from his pity. "You don't know anything," I muttered under my breath. That wasn't a total lie. He'd only been with us a few years. Peter hadn't seen everything. He focused on the bad scenes. I eventually started running. The camp seemed too small suddenly, like it was closing in on me. "Just drop it," I repeated even though I knew he couldn't hear me. The burn in my throat ended up giving me another reason to keep running. There had to be some human around here. I couldn't wait until the next raid on a town even though I dreaded the killing itself. Humans were like animals in that way. Their fear would overwhelm them.

We weren't near any trails or populated areas but I managed to catch the scent of someone. I didn't bother to wonder why they were here. Humans baser instincts kept them away from camps like ours. I forced calm on the man, crouching in the shadows. I didn't waste any time that would give him a chance to be afraid. I snapped his neck within about two seconds. But in those two seconds, he was terrified and that was enough to stop me from ripping his throat out for a moment. This was a time where I hated my gift. It didn't stop me for long and I wasn't very concerned about being clean although I somehow kept most of my clothes clean. The rich liquid soothed the fire that had been threatening to scorch my tongue. I wanted more but I highly doubted the man had brought a friend along. I took care to make sure he was buried and no trace was left behind, a sickening feeling settling in my stomach as I headed back.

From the emotions and looks on their faces, I was glad I fed. It looked like I was going to need that strength. A newborn I couldn't remember the name of motioned to Maria's tent. I could see her through the thin material, just standing there. "You don't have to go in there," Peter whispered. I didn't sense him coming, too focused on the fear running through my veins. I knew very well what was waiting for me. It wasn't the first, or last time, I'd done something wrong. I clenched my jaw and shook my head again.

"Yes I do." I really did, or she would probably come out and drag me in there. I'd seen that happen once or twice. Peter squeezed my shoulder. Charlotte was suddenly there and their emotions changed to something I couldn't put a name to. It was nice, peaceful, but it didn't help. I slowly walked to the tent, pushing the flap aside and letting it close behind me. "Ma-" I didn't get a chance to speak. Within seconds she had me pinned on the ground.

"This is your fault," Maria hissed, her eyes narrowed. "It's always your fault. God, Major, why can't you do this? Just for once stop being such a worthless fool." Her voice turned shrill. I stopped breathing, turning my head so I didn't have to meet her gaze. She jerked me to my feet, teeth sinking into my neck without warning. I bit my tongue to keep from making any sound. It still burned even though I should've been used to it. She slapped my again and pulled on my arm hard enough, I heard my shoulder dislocate. I knew better than to fight back.

She shoved me to the ground and kicked me. I felt and hear one or two ribs crack. Maria never held back. She yanked me up again and grabbed my sleeve, using that to fling me onto the bed. My eyes widened when she called in a sing-song voice, "Shay! Get in here!" I immediately closed my eyes at the sound of footsteps. Peter's words echoed in my mind, _that's technically abuse. _I believed him then but I couldn't do anything about it. Couldn't do anything but wait.

**I feel really bad for doing this to Jazz but I wanted to show what it was like. It'll be a few more chapters until he runs. And I run on reviews so please review this. It means a lot and I really want to know what you guys think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I hope to be updating at least four times a week, if possible once a day, but that all depends on my schedule with volunteering and school. I don't have a ton to say about this before the story starts except that I want to thank ****hayleyann14**** for being the first to follow and ****Arigato210**** for being the first to favorite this. **

**JPOV **

It was dawn when I finally came back to my senses. I'd gotten fairly good at drawing my mind away from what was being done to my body. Lately, it seemed like the only way to get by. It didn't occur to me that I had been tensed up in the same position for hours until I tried to sit up and my entire body protested by wracking me with pain. _Right. _I took a second to glance around. Both Maria and Shay were gone, their scents lingering in the air. The black sheets were tangled around my legs and I was vaguely aware that my shirt was gone. Probably in pieces somewhere on the floor. The familiar scent of Peter made me yank the sheets up to my neck quickly. "Jasper?" His voice was so soft I almost couldn't hear it. He poked his head in before slipping inside. His worry and concern was so thick I felt like I was choking on it. He was angry as well, but I had no idea why. I could only assume his anger was directed at me, naturally.

I tried to speak but some kind of hoarse sound came out instead. Clearing my throat, I frowned. I didn't really remember what happened, only the severe pain in various parts of my body giving me any clue to what had been done, and I had no idea if I'd screamed or not. Maria hated it when I screamed. "For the record…you were right." Peter raised one eyebrow and tilted his head. I swallowed audibly, refusing to meet his gaze. "About…about it being abuse." Some small part of me wanted to cling to fantasy and believe it wasn't, the same part of me that wanted to believe my father cared for me even after I recall fuzzy memories of hiding from him in the barn. I wanted to believe that she loved me and what she did to me meant nothing. The soreness of my legs and chest said that Peter really was right and I would be a fool to think she had any affectionate feelings for me at all. Shifting around, I assessed the damage. Walking wouldn't be a good idea even though we were scheduled to take out a group of newborns who had gone past the year mark. My ribs still hurt whenever I breathed but they seemed to have healed for the most part.

"How are you?" I watched him carefully as he moved to sit on the edge of the bed. I cursed Maria when I involuntarily flinched at his nearness and moved away. _This is Peter, _I reminded myself. He frowned at me, the anger flaring up again.

"Why are you mad?" I blurted out before I could stop myself, quickly looking to the sheets and bunching it up in my hands. Peter silently got off the bed and knelt down. I heard the rustle of fabric and he threw a shirt at me. He turned his back on me. "Why are you mad?" I repeated as I gingerly sat up and slipped the shirt on, fastening the buttons with shaky fingers.

"I'm not mad at you," he said quietly. "I'm mad at her. I'm a fairly good judge of what people were like before they got turned. Take Charlotte for example. She was sweet, stubborn and tough as a human. She probably had a fairly good life, most likely had a boyfriend. She's still like that but it's…diluted." There was that hint of the emotion I couldn't figure out. That fluttery feeling, what I imagined a butterfly's wings brushing across my skin would feel like. "You were and are resourceful. Natural born leader, can't survive without companionship. You probably stayed up with your soldiers, just talking to them about something mundane and not focusing on the fact that you could die tomorrow. I bet you had a sister."

"What?" I stared at him, briefly wondering if he had a gift. Something about looking into people's past.

Peter smiled at me. "I can see the way you look at most of the girls who aren't whores. You're the big overprotective brother." He paused, emotions taking a turn to pity and concern. "Everyone can see what she's turned you into. What she's done to you. I'll be damned if I believe it's okay."

"I won't disagree with you but what do you expect me to do?" A fresh wave of pain had me quickly laying back down. I slowly rolled my head in hopes of working some stiffness out of my neck. I knew there would be a new scar there, I could feel the venom still working in my system.

"Fight back." Peter's voice took on a harsh, determined tone. "Tell her to stop." I wanted to yell at him.

"You think I didn't try? God damn it, Peter, she has an entire army behind her. You weren't here when it started. I did every possible thing. I ran away and she had them hunt me down. You've seen it, Peter," I growled. Everyone had seen someone get punished. Starved for weeks. Beaten and locked away. Get called in to her tent for whatever she had in mind for the night. I couldn't suppress the shudder that ran through me at the thought. "We both know how she works. Telling her to stop is about as good as trying to stop a lion from eating a zebra by telling it to stop. It means nothing and does absolutely nothing. No human rules work in our world, you should know that."

"Think you can walk?" He changed the topic. I bared my teeth at him. "I can get you blood in an hour. There's a town not very far Maria wants to hit to replace the five." He spat her name out as if it was a taste he wanted to get off his tongue. I didn't want cold blood but I knew I couldn't hunt at the moment. Peter didn't wait for my answer. "I'll get Charlotte to watch you."

"I don't need a babysitter," I snarled.

"You need a better emotional atmosphere. And we don't want you trying to run off." I wanted to tell him there was no way I was running today but I didn't have the energy to argue with him. Peter came over to me and put one hand on my shoulder, looking at if he wanted to say more. "Rest up. I'll see if I can make sure she doesn't come in here." He smiled again and left. I knew she would come in anyways. No matter what Peter did, no one could keep her from coming in. It was ingrained into all of us not to defy her. I closed my eyes, listening to the different voices outside as they got ready to leave. I was glad I wasn't going with them. I didn't want to feel any more terror.

Charlotte came in a few minutes later. "You don't need to hunt?" I asked quietly, tilting my head. She frowned at me, hurrying over and making me roll around and pull up my shirt so she could see the injuries. I hated her seeing all my scars but I knew she wouldn't do anything unless she saw what had been done.

"I snuck out last night," she murmured, gently prodding my side. I hissed in a breath and swatted at her. "You really should-"

"Don't," I cut her off sharply. "Peter already gave me a lecture. I don't want another."

"Jasper," Charlotte whispered, worry rolling off her. "Why are you…What are you thinking?" _That I deserve it…I don't know what I did to deserve it but I do. I'm a monster. _I turned away from her, refusing to answer. We stayed like that the entire time, in awkward silence with occasional questions about what happened from her. I couldn't answer them, didn't want to. It hurt to much to think about it. I didn't want to relive it. We both jumped when they came back, a rush of footsteps and dizzying excitement.

Fear broke through that. _They brought someone alive. _I shook my head at the twin heartbeats. Two. Maria and a newborn I didn't know came in with both humans who were terrified into silence. They were middle-aged, both women with red hair. I couldn't stop myself from flinching away when Maria drew near. Charlotte hissed under her breath and stepped away. I focused in on the sound of the blood running through their veins. The burn in my throat came back. Maria snapped the woman's neck and brought her closer to me. I didn't hesitate to sink my teeth into her. The burn slowly slipped away as I drained her too soon. I almost whimpered when there was nothing left. Maria tossed her aside and took the other human, quickly snapping her neck and doing the same with her. That spike of fear made me pause, again, but then my instincts took over. She was dry within seconds. The newborn took the corpses away to bury them. A look from Maria had Charlotte scurrying out of the tent.

"Jasper," she purred, sitting on the bed. I tried to look anywhere but at her although my eyes kept straying back to her ebony curls, her petrifying red eyes and lips that were pouting at me. "You know why I had to do what I did, right?" I nodded mutely even though I had no idea what I'd done. "I never wanted to hurt you," Maria whispered as she crawled over to me. "Just a slap." She never saw it as anything but a slap even when it was much worse than that. "How are you?" The blood helped tone down the pain and give me a little more strength but I still didn't want to move.

"Fine," I lied. I couldn't tell her to the truth. She ran her fingers through my hair. I clung to the sheets to keep myself from jumping off the bed and running away. I didn't want her touching me. Her hand moved down to trace the line of my jaw, a low purr emanating from her chest. She wasn't feeling any regret. Just lust. _Because we both know I couldn't do anything if she wanted something. _I had my walls officially back up, showing no emotion and reacting to nothing even though I wanted desperately to slap her hand off me.

"Are you sure?" She widened her eyes, two fingers walking down my throat. I cringed inwardly and nodded.

"May I get some rest?" I asked quietly, already tensing for her to get mad and hit me. Maria quickly nodded, kissed me and leaped off the bed in one graceful bound.

"I'll check on you tomorrow." With a smile, she was gone and I allowed myself five minutes to myself. I kept my emotions to myself but let them run through me. The panic, fear, loathing, and shame burned through me like another kind of thirst. I hated that I couldn't bear the thought of standing up to her. I knew what she'd do. She'd punish me viciously for disobeying her. I never thought I would be so afraid of a woman.

**Hope you guys like this. Please review, I'm serious, it's what keeps me writing and inspired. I don't like writing when I think no one likes it…if no one wants to read it than why write it? Let me know what you think ^^.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I am so sorry for not getting this up. School, drama and a ton of homework got in the way. I don't have a lot to say about this chapter, besides my apology, except that it's going to get better for Jazz really soon. Like in the next couple chapters, probably even the next one. I just want to make sure I've really drawn a picture of what happened. This is just a little before he leaves. **

**JPOV **

After Maria shooed me out of her tent the next day, Peter all but locked me up his his for a couple days, insisting I needed more rest and that he could handle training. I knew he could but that didn't make laying around any more fun. Charlotte spent most of the time with me. I told her I didn't want to be alone. I'd learned that gave me time to think. And usually my thoughts strayed to things I didn't want to remember. When a week had passed, things returned to normal. I took notice of Peter and Charlotte spending more time with each other but I didn't pay a ton of attention to it. People bonded here, I wasn't going to comment and get them in trouble.

The night Peter let me out, he invited me to go hunting with him. I figured it was worth it since the only actual time I got to spend with him was either when we were both assigned to killing newborns or him coming in after a bad night. "We found some popular hiking trails a few days ago," Peter told me absentmindedly as he started running for the trees. I followed, trying to focus on the content he was feeling. I was distracted enough that I nearly ran into him when he suddenly stopped, mood shifting into something more serious and focused. He growled at me in annoyance and I immediately backed away. _This is Peter. The only thing he's ever done is worry too much. _He smiled apologetically, red eyes glinting in the moonlight. I waved a hand at him and he turned away, dropping into a crouch. I caught the scent and counted four heartbeats. Venom flooded my mouth. Peter glanced back at me and nodded. After hunting with him for so long, we knew each other's moves as well as our own to the point that I could've taken down a human exactly the same way he did. I crept up behind him, eying them. There were two men and two girls, all looking to be around nineteen or eighteen.

They were arguing about whether or not it was smart to be out this late. _It isn't…it's very dangerous, in fact. _Some other part of me started sizing up the men. They seemed too young and immature to be any good for the army. Young ones always rebelled and had to be killed quicker. They were more troublesome than they were worth. I watched Peter's stance shift before he leaped. One pair was dead already. The smell of their blood won over the others terror and I sprang. They didn't have time to make any noise. We drink in silence before burying the bodies. I made a mental note to keep this spot rare. If humans got suspicious, it wouldn't be a popular trail. When we returned, Maria was waiting for us. "Unscheduled "training." They're waiting for you," she said with a smile. The smile that warned us about messing up. I couldn't think of any vampire who was close to their year mark and in need of being replaced.

Peter didn't comment on it and neither did I. There was something in her eyes that told me to be especially careful. Peter practically dragged me away. We'd managed to snag a camp near an old ranch, leaving the barn for training and disposing of newborns. We circled around to the back of it where the large doors were open. Another set of doors separated us from the others. I called the first two in. Wes and Darren. I only remembered their names because they'd both tried to turn training into an actual fight. If I had been allowed, I would've killed them then. Both of them were stocky but short, well built and cocky. I waited five seconds after the doors shut to lunge. I snagged Wes around the chest and jerked him toward me, forcing calm on both newborns. My arms circled around his head, breaking it off with ease. The sound of crystal shattering lasted only a few seconds, followed by another as Peter dispatched Darren. He raced off to start a fire a few miles away, taking the remains with him.

Six newborns into it and I saw Peter was getting tired. I thought about telling him to take off for the night right after he called in the next one. I froze at the name. _Charlotte. _Fear that wasn't my own swamped me. "Run!" Peter snarled at her, grabbing her hand with no warning and speeding off. It took me a moment to figure out what that burst of emotion between them had been. _Love. _I stood there for a few minutes, having no idea what to do now that they were gone. Then I panicked and took off into the trees. I had to cover their scent somehow so Maria never found out Charlotte wasn't dead and Peter had left. I didn't stop running until I stumbled upon a herd of deer. They would have to do. I got three stags before the rest of them scattered. Dragging them back I slit their throats with my nails and drenched the foliage in their blood, curling my lip back at the smell. With any luck, it would work. Despite their hidden scent, I started running again, trying to think of an explanation for Peter's disappearance. When nothing came to mind, my only thought was about hiding for a few weeks and hoping Maria had calmed by then.

Those three weeks went by slowly. I hunted twice, once again trying to find a way to make it easier. I hadn't felt anything close to happy in decades so I figured forcing that emotion on someone wasn't going to help. And I knew I would feel even worse making someone happy about dying. No one was sent after me which I took as a good thing but I still dreaded returning. _They're gone. _It hit me as I was walking back that my only friends had fled. Abandoned me. Taken off to save themselves. Although I couldn't blame them, that fact didn't help the knowledge that I had to face Maria alone, knowing that there would be no one there in the aftermath. I was her only second-in-command since Nettie and Lucy betrayed her, I was too important to kill. I kept repeating that as I ducked under branches and slowly headed for the hill our camp rested on. My nails had ripped holes in the bottom of my shirt I'd been clutching the fabric so tightly. I searched around for anyone with an emotion that could keep my fear at bay. Too many of them were thirsty or anxious for another fight. "Major!" Maria shouted, fury emanating from her tent. _Yeah, I'm dead. _A few newborns laughed and I growled at them, trudging over and hesitantly pushing open the flap.

She grabbed my shirt and yanked me inside, letting me go in the same movement. I spun to keep my balance, turning to face her and stilling. "Where the hell is Peter?" She barked, dark curls falling in her face as she glared at me.

"He got himself killed…some newborn fought back. Even venom couldn't have done anything," I replied quietly. The lie wasn't perfect, Peter was a very good fighter but I hoped she was mad enough that it would fool her for the time being.

"You didn't do anything?"

"He was still-" I was cut off by her slapping me, her nails raking my cheek like teeth. Maria hissed at me, flashing fangs.

"I don't want excuses. I want more territory and more newborns. That's seven down in two days," she snarled. I took an involuntary step back, finding myself backed up against the wall. For some reason, she had the inside of the tent lined with wood so there wasn't just fabric there. "I hope you realize this is all your fault, Major. I thought you were better than this. You should've been able to save him. That was _Peter _dammit, I thought you would've at least tried." Her words stung more than her nails. It felt as though I did let Peter die. I let him run off. It never even crossed my mind to stop them because I knew they'd be happier away from here, even if it meant I had to deal with the consequences.

"There was nothing I could do. He was already in the damn fire," I snapped, regretting the words as soon as they left my mouth. The sudden searing pain in my left shoulder alerted me that my arm was no longer attached. I'd lost limbs in the beginning, when I was like all the newborns and still had no real idea how to fight like them, but that was years ago and it had never happened recently so the pain brought me to my knees.

"You know better than that." Maria crouched in front of me. I kept my eyes on the ground, focusing in on the individual grains of dirt. Her hand found my throat, squeezing tight enough that I couldn't breathe. It was only my the faint voice in the back of my mind, the part of me that was completely instinct, reminding me that I didn't need oxygen that kept me from panicking. Her nails dug into my skin, somehow able to cut it she was biting me. Then her hand was gone and her lips were in their place. The cool breath on my neck made me shiver. "Didn't I teach you better? I could've sworn you were past your year mark. You shouldn't be as foolish as them." Maria was furious enough that she seemed calm. That scared me. That meant she was planning something. "Did you finish the rest off?" If my heart had been beating, it would have stopped. I couldn't even shake my head. "I'll deal with you later." She swiftly stood and strode off, dusty red dress billowing out behind her as she shoved her way out of the tent.

_You have about twenty minutes. Make a plan and it better be a damn good one. _My thoughts branched off to list what was most important. Survival being the first thing which meant getting my arm back. I cringed at the sight of it, the sleeve still on it with a button on the cuff hanging by a thread. Maria's words spun in my head as I picked up my arm, coated the end of it in venom and stuck it back in place. It burned, not quite as badly as the changing, but having to fuse bone, muscle, tissue and the like back together isn't pleasant. I didn't dare try moving it until the pain has faded. Tentatively, I tried using that hand to help me get up. A flash of pain ran down my arm then quickly faded. Assuming I remembered correctly, getting a limb back and healed took about fifteen minutes. _Five minutes…you used to be able to do this. _I quieted the nagging voice. It was true though and I hated that fact. I didn't think there was anything to do. Something would happen and even running and hiding couldn't change that fact.

I sensed Maria before I saw or smelled her. She was still mad but there was an undercurrent of excitement that had my breathing turn ragged with fear. "Did you honestly think I'd let you go that easily?" Her voice was almost a purr. My crouch wavered as she put a hand on my shoulder. Then she sent me flying. I scrambled to latch onto the bed so I didn't hit the wall, nearly taking the mattress with me. She pinned me to the bed, teeth suddenly on my neck again. The familiar sensation of venom flooding my system wasn't surprising but I instinctively tried to kick her off. She ended up tearing off a good sized piece of flesh when she went soaring to the other side of the room. Shakily, I rolled off the bed and to my feet. Her eyes were blazing. Maria jerked me to my feet, restraining my hands with hers. She shoved me out of the tent and raced across the camp to the barn. I spotted the glimmer of the dying fire miles away before she pushed me inside a modified stall. She bit me one more time before backing out. I saw the metal door shut and heard it lock, too focused on the pain to realize what she was doing. I'd been locked away before but that had only been for a few days. I had a feeling this would be for a lot longer.

I passed the time by humming. Partially because any other noise had me tensing to fight and partially because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to convince myself I was alive-or whatever we were. Just the thought of not being able to hunt increased the burn in my throat. I panicked and started clawing at the walls even though I knew I had no chance in my weakened state.

Days went by and I soon ran out of songs to think of. I used up the rest of the time by walking in circles. I needed something to keep my attention. I settled for listening to my footsteps, focusing on the sound and counting. That didn't work. I ended up losing count. Days became weeks. I lost count of those too after two weeks. The burn only got worse. Just as I thought it would overwhelm me, Maria came back. I ran right past her, my throat on fire, desperate to cool it. I paid no attention to where I was going. The town came in to sight. For the first time, I blocked out everyone's emotion. All the fear and anxiety. I felt none of it as I killed and drained them all. It barely helped with the thirst. I found two more towns and did the exact same, leaving the dead in the streets. Maria followed me the entire time, laughing. "Four months. Impressive." I blinked, realizing what I'd done. "Nice job, Major," she purred.

"What?" I looked at her blankly. "Why?"

She narrowed her eyes at me. "You deserved it. Peter was good." _I know. _"Come on. You missed a good fight and there's training to be done." She all but dragged me back to camp. I followed limply, still stunned by the massacre. _That had to be at least a thousand people. _I shuddered and shook my head. _Fine then. That's a challenge. _

**Once again, I am so sorry it took me so long to get this up. I'll start on the next chapter immediately. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I decided to time skip a little in this chapter. It'll still be a bit before he meets Alice but this is the one where things start getting better. Yay. And I'm so sorry this took so long to get up. I've had a tone of homework but spring break is in two weeks so expect a lot of updates then…until **

The first year after they left was the worst. We lost the entire state of Louisiana to another army. It wasn't big but it had a big enough population that it meant something. Maria had all but taken out a city in her rage, taking almost too many to replace the newborns we lost. I tried to stay out of her way but that didn't exactly work. She called me into her tent at least once a week. And this time there was no one to help. I constantly kept thinking about them. Were they safe? What was their life like? Had they gotten themselves stuck with another person like Maria? She'd told us in the beginning that there were worse vampires than her. I stopped believing her the first time she raped me.

Training got even harder. I slowly started paying less and less attention to what I was doing and my surroundings. I nearly killed a newborn when he tried to sneak up on me to practice. Actually tore his head off. He survived, of course, but neither the newborn nor Maria was very happy about that. Their expressions would've been funny if their emotions weren't so intense. The newborn looked about ready to kill me once he could move again. Maria looked somewhere between wanting to laugh and also wanting to kill me. She didn't understand why my mind was spiraling downward. She never came in after a night saying she didn't want to hurt me. Instead, she often went on to ask if I understood why I was being punished and saying I deserved it. She never failed to remind me of that. I already believed her, convinced I must have done something in a past life or this one to deserve it. Maria refused to let me touch her anymore. She 'd stopped taking my shirt off at night. _"Can't have you tarnishing _my _looks now with your disgusting hands now, can we, Major?" _was what she would always say. It was those words that dropped me down to the point of not caring what she did. Fighting back never crossed my mind again. Peter's words about it being abuse faded. Getting myself killed was out of the option. I wasn't a coward and I didn't think my mind would let me just stand still in a fight and let me get my head ripped off. I knew how to do it quickly and painlessly. I doubted anyone else would take that same care.

In that year, Maria had locked me in the barn three times, coming in almost every day to yell at me and bite me. Apparently, my deteriorating state was completely my fault and she felt I needed to know that. It was all my fault we lost Louisiana and ten newborns. My fault that Nettie and Lucy had betrayed her. I had no idea why it was all my fault but it was somehow. The humans she picked to join us turned out to be even more unruly and unwilling to listen than the others. We ended up taking out half of them when they tried to rebel. She made a public example of them. Everyone was a lot more careful after that. No one stepped out of line again although we always ended up doing something wrong. Maria found flaws where none existed. She seemed to have a tendency to pick a victim for a week and torture them. Unless they failed her somehow. Then she went back to me. She was too mad at everything and everyone to stay calm.

It seemed like it should've been easy to just walk away from it. Like all I had to do was just take off and keep running. _And go where? _I constantly asked myself where I would go if I ever got out of there alive. Someplace North. Far away from there. Maybe find Peter and Charlotte if that was possible. I thought I would stay solitary, keep away from any covens just in case.

In the second year, fighting back stopped crossing my mind completely. I knew it would have been useless. Instead, I started considering killing her. How I would do it, where, what would happen after. If I succeeded there was a big chance I'd have to take out the rest of the army as well. A group of volatile newborns left unattended would not end well. My plan wasn't even a plan. Just a small idea but it got me through that year with no one by my side. There was no camaraderie here. If you got close to someone, they always died some way in the end. We weren't brothers and sisters or even acquaintances. We were mere soldiers, puppets in the same show, our strings being pulled by the same master. Even that couldn't bond us together. And I hated all of them anyway but I didn't think I could hate anyone more than I hated her. They were foolish, believing that this was the best way. She'd stripped them of their humanity and turned them into animals. Turned us into monsters. Maria always picked the young ones. The ones who had a future and a family. The ones who didn't deserve it at all. I often passed the time focusing in on one of them, memorizing their emotional patterns and trying to imagine what their human life had been. Did they have any siblings? Did their grandparents live with them? Had their house been big? What was their school like? I created scenes for everyone of them and watched them unfold in my mind like a movie. It was as close to entertainment as we could get.

I still hadn't accepted that they left me. I occasionally caught myself thinking I heard Peter talking to me or Charlotte laughing. She was the only one I'd ever heard really laugh here. Maria just laughed because she thought hurting someone was funny. And it was never a laugh laugh. More like some kind of chuckle or purr. The kind you expect to hear from a mad person. It didn't get any easier with their absence. I assumed time would help but it didn't. I hadn't paid a lot of attention to the fact that I needed good company. From what flashes of my human life I remembered, I'd always had someone to talk to or just be with. It didn't matter whether it was my sister or my own men I fought side by side with. Without any non-painful contact combined with whatever Maria felt like doing to me was destroying me. So I clung to my idea of killing her like a life preserver, slowly filling in the holes and finalizing it.

It took me a full year to get the plan completely mapped out in my head. It wasn't going to be easy or quick. Dispatching all of them would take time and I'd have to make sure none of them tried to run. If they got away and got into trouble, there was a good chance the Volturi would step in and that would mean death for everyone. The months passed by in a blur. I barely got myself out to hunt, spending any free time away from everyone else. The battles we won I vaguely remembered, the ones we lost were only slightly clearer because by then I knew what would happen although Maria had a habit of never doing the exact same thing twice. And it seemed every time she called me in, she had something new in mind. My ability to pull my mind away from the present faded, leaving me with no protection at all against her. My gift only worsened it but no matter how strong an emotion was, it never seemed like enough to break the haze that had settled over me.

The fifth year after they left, I had accepted the fact that I was alone in this. Yet in some way I felt like I owed it to every newborn we'd created and killed. Like if I killed her, maybe some of the guilt would go away. I was the only one who could do it, not that there was anyone there to help. I spent about six months making myself numb to her so nothing would hinder me. The damage was still there, I just didn't acknowledge it. I could deal with that later.

I was running out to hunt the day I planned on killing her when they found me. I knew exactly what I was going to do. My body worked on instinct while my mind focused on the plan. It seemed simple enough. I'd get her out into the woods and take her by surprise. Voices yanked me out of my thoughts.

"Are we getting close?"

"Shh! You don't know if anyone else is out here."

"I do actually and you know this is his spot."

I nearly ran into a tree, too shocked to look where I was going. _This is it. You've finally gone crazy. _It couldn't be them. There was no way in hell they came back. Anyone who left had to have a death wish if they even thought of returning. In a second, they were only a few feet away from me. Before I could even blink, Charlotte had raced forward and hugged me tightly enough I thought she nearly broke a rib. "I'm so sorry. Things just kind of…and Peter wouldn't let me and then this. Well, that was interesting. And then…yeah…um." She rambled in broken sentences before Peter gently pulled her away. She let go and stepped back with a bounce. It took me a moment to comprehend that it was them.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, taking a few large steps back. They looked better, happy. Charlotte wore a small white dress with flats, emanating concern and joy. Peter was frowning at me, his attire consisting of slacks and a plain button-down shirt, making me almost painfully aware of how bad my clothes were.

"We had to come back," he said quietly, almost whispering. "I'm sorry…it was just a-"

"Spur of the moment thing," I finished for him. Peter smiled. "I get it."

"Come back with us. We got ourselves a cute house and there's plenty of food and any others we have come across aren't hostile. Nothing like here." Charlotte grabbed my hand, immediately assaulting me with all her joy, worry and guilt. I looked at her blankly, knowing she wouldn't lie but still terrified of leaving. Charlotte must have sensed that because she quickly added, "she can't follow you there. We're far away from her territory."

"Jasper, it's coming with us or hell," Peter said slowly. He didn't need to. I was already in.

"I'm with you. Just lead the way." Peter hugged me and I resisted the instinct to shove him away. _This is Peter. _I chanted that in my head until he let go. Charlotte took his hand and they started running. I raced after them, unsure about what I was feeling. Definitely relieved but still dazed. Like I expected this to be some kind of hallucination and I was going to come to in Maria's tent. My body involuntarily shuddered at the thought and I almost stumbled on a root sticking out of the ground. Charlotte's concern and Peter's slow riling anger spiked. _They know. _I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Of course they knew what had happened while they were there but things had changed. They knew it had gotten worse. I didn't know whether to be relieved or afraid of the fact.

They babbled the entire run, filling me in on what life was like there. No more fighting. Charlotte spent most of her free time decorating their new house. Peter, in return for all her work, spoiled his mate rotten with whatever she wanted and more. I was only slightly envious of their bond but I never found myself thinking about getting a mate. Charlotte was the only women I barely trusted at all. And besides, who could ever love me?

"How much further?" I questioned after we'd been running for a day.

"We're in Iowa so just a few more hours. The house is closer to Wisconsin," Peter replied, glancing back at me. I'd fallen behind slightly, still a little sore from the last night with Maria. She had been even angrier then. About what, I had no idea.

The house was surrounded by gold grass and weeds, long and red, two stories. Evidence that Charlotte had been there were everywhere. Flowers in pots were on all surfaces, filling the area with their scent. Every piece of furniture inside looked extraordinarily comfortable even the kitchen table chairs. She'd placed multiple couches around the house, actually using the bedrooms as personal spaces that reflected them. Charlotte's was bright, a mirror of herself. Peter's room was a little more dulled down, a little more serious but still happy, charming. It looked nothing like a house that belonged to two vampires.

"This is it," Charlotte chirped, sweeping her hands out to emphasize the room. "The guest room is yours. Last one down the hall." I nodded, slowly following her directions to the room and opening the door. It was plain, unpainted with a small bed and a desk in it. I liked it though. It was simple. And as far as I could see nothing there could be a trigger. I'd learned over the years what things sent me into panic mode so I figured as long as the room stayed that way, there would be no problems. I walked out, immediately roaming the rest of the house, almost unconsciously mapping out what escape routes there were, where everything flammable was and what spots were best for building a fire. That was instinct by then.

Night fell and we sat in the living room, still talking and catching up. Multiple times they had to reassure me that I was safe here, Maria couldn't find us. I was still skeptical and too jumpy for my own good. Charlotte eventually reached over, grabbed my hand and pulled me into her arms like a mother would. I didn't realize I'd stopped breathing until she started running her fingers through my hair and sang quietly. I had a very fuzzy memory of my own mother doing this to me when I got sick. The song tapered off and she kept repeating that I was safe here. I let myself believe her for the moment, closing my eyes and letting her emotions wash over me. She was so calm it made me tired. It was almost like sleeping.

**I'm sorry again this took so long. I'm finally on spring break so expect a lot of updates over the next week. And please review, I want a few opinions on how many chapters I should keep him with Peter and Charlotte. How quickly do you want to have Alice come into the picture? Review and tell me (: **


	5. Chapter 5

**So sorry this took forever, spring break was so busy and I've been swamped with homework ever since we got back and I've gotten into a ton of after school stuff. **

**Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Stephanie…if I was this story would be much better written. **

**Peter's POV **

It was interesting, and sad, to see the change a few years could do to someone you swore you knew inside and out. If we hadn't been looking for Jasper, I don't think I would have recognized him. He was wearing the exact same clothes from the day we'd left although they were in worse shape. There were more holes in his shirt than actual fabric and the beige color was spotted with blood. His pants were fraying at the edges, coming apart at the seems in some places, just like him. His honey blond curls had gone wild, making him look more feral than before. There were multiple new sets of scars on his neck, some looking as new as that day. I knew Charlotte was just dying to race over and give him a hug despite her being almost a foot shorter than him. It hurt me to see him acting even more skittish. Like a horse just waiting for a chance to bolt. When we got back and Charlotte hugged him, I was almost afraid he'd bite her when she first touched him.

As soon as she let him go, despite seeming so relaxed, he bolted down the hall and slammed the door to his room shut hard enough I thought it would break. Charlotte sighed and stood, walking over to me, promptly sitting in my lap. I was so used to it by now, my arms immediately wrapped around her and pulled her to my chest. "This isn't going to be easy," she whispered, obviously not wanting Jasper to overhear. I nodded my agreement, letting her talk. "What changed?" I wasn't sure how to answer. I had no idea what happened after we left but it didn't seem like anything good, or even remotely close to what we'd all gotten used to with Maria. She had to have changed somehow. Officially gone crazy, maybe? That seemed like the most likely answer. Her unstableness must have caused her temper to also rise and everyone in the army knew who she took her anger out on. Every time I'd seen Jasper walk out of her tent, he always looked much worse than when he'd gone, or been dragged, in. I doubted he would tell us what she'd done differently. I couldn't even touch him without him flinching. Sure he'd done that in the past but not as often. I thought I was a safe zone for Jasper. Someone he could talk to, let his guard down around, even for just a second so I could see what he was really feeling. I assumed that had changed too.

"I have no idea, Char." I hated not knowing. I hated knowing that he knew but there was probably no way in hell that he'd tell. "You saw him…this isn't going to be easy. It got worse…he just took the chance to get away. I don't even know if he still trusts us." That hit me hard. Hearing it aloud, even in my own voice. Jasper had changed. Or at least Maria had changed him. We knew what happened when we were there, the rapes, the abuse that he suffered daily. I couldn't imagine how that had gotten worse. "And he sure as hell won't give up everything in one night."

Charlotte pouted and my heart broke for both of them. Seeing him like that upset her which upset me which probably upset him even more, being the strange empath he is. I heard the shower turn on and whispers of something like, "Disgusting whore." A whimper escaped my mate's chest and I held her tighter. I heard myself growl without knowing it, my anger at Maria flaring up again. If I hadn't been listening for any signs, I wouldn't have heard Jasper's breathing pick up. _He thinks I'm mad at him. _I quickly stifled the emotion, making a mental note to explain it to him later. When he still didn't calm down, I sighed, shaking my head. This wasn't going to be easy at all.

"What do you think we should do?" Charlotte's anxious voice broke through my thoughts. I shrugged, wishing I could lie to her and say I knew exactly what to do. I had no idea how we could help him when we were still taking care of our own ghosts. They weren't as bad as his of course, and I knew Charlotte felt terribly guilty about leaving him behind. "Pete…Pete, talk to me." I felt her fingers run through my hair, her lips placing a gentle kiss on my temple.

"I just have no idea what we got ourselves into. Or how to deal with it."

"We got ourselves Jasper….sort of. A slightly different one than we're used to but we'll get the real one back all in good time. He needs some time. A lot of time…Just be patient with him." She smiled at me and wrapped her arms around my neck, making me feel like a parent. For the moment, I saw Jasper as our child. Albeit a traumatized and wise child but we still had to take care of him. Even after spending forever taking care of himself, I couldn't see him doing well in a normal environment. Jasper wouldn't get it. For eighty three years he'd been in constant danger. I hadn't been there even half as long as he had and I still thought I saw Maria every so often. It scared me how much she could still affect someone without even being there.

We sat there in silence for a few hours, no doubt thinking the same thing. What _were _we going to do? Neither of us had the slightest idea in how to deal with him. _Jeez, way to be optimistic. You make him sound like a problem. _I made quick work of hushing that annoying voice. The shower didn't stop until three and a half hours had passed. Well, we definitely had no hot water left then. The door was shut quietly, making me believe he wanted us to forget he was even there. _You're safe here. _I wanted to reassure him of that. Charlotte had told him about twenty times and he obviously didn't believe it.

"There's clothes in the dresser," I called, louder than needed for him to hear me. The rustle of fabric was immediate. Charlotte had insisted we plan ahead and go shopping for him. We weren't growing anymore anyway. Jasper appeared a few minutes later in plain pants and a long-sleeved white button down. He was still wearing the exact same boots from his days in the Confederate Army. I'd never seen him with any other shoes on. "How you feeling, Major?" I tried for casual and knew it failed. Nothing could get by Jasper. You couldn't hide emotions. I didn't miss his flinch at the word, storing that away in memory to remind myself never to say it again. The last thing we wanted was to trigger something and have him bolt on us.

Jasper merely shrugged. I stared at him, as if by doing so I could will him to talk. He wouldn't, I knew that. That lesson was still there. In Maria's mind, talking back counted as being disrespectful and always ended in some kind of punishment. He was afraid talking would make us mad at him. So it startled me when he asked in that usual soft voice, "Why did you come back for me?" Charlotte was a blur as she let go of me and stood up. Jasper flinched at the sudden movement, hesitantly taking a step back. I gently took my mate's hand and pulled her back down, not wanting to scare him anymore. The confusion and pain in his eyes had me wanting to run up and hug him.

Charlotte beat me to answering, "Because you needed to get away. We all know she was probably planning on killing you at some point. No one deserves that. You shouldn't have had to endure that." I think that shocked him. He jerked back almost as if she'd slapped him. Had it really never occurred to him that he didn't deserve it? Or did she just have him wrapped around her finger that well? "It isn't your fault." Jasper stared at her, head tilted enough that honey curls fell into his face. He'd at least managed to get a brush through his hair.

"It is-"

"No." Charlotte's voice turned harsher and he stiffened. "No. Stop thinking like that. Forget what the bitch said. You did nothing to deserve it. You never did anything that made it your fault."

"I could've fought-"

She cut him off again. "Jasper, you're way too much of a gentleman to even think of slapping her, which she would've deserved. You only hit girls if they were attacking you, and not even then sometimes. No one was brought up talking about…this if you were a guy. You…I know it's difficult after all this but you have to believe me when I say it isn't your fault and you didn't deserve it." His head dropped like he was being lectured.

"You couldn't have gone on like that," I added slowly. "It would've…crushed you." Jasper's head snapped up then in a challenge. I was doubting his strength in his mind. "Look, Jasper, you may be a vampire but even we can get killed. Just because you weren't feeling anything at the moment or because you pushed it away, doesn't mean it didn't affect you. Your body may be in tact but _you _aren't. I know you weren't doing well because of us and I am deeply sorry about that but it does prove my point that even you can break." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Am I allowed to speak now without you two cutting me off?" He glanced between us.

"You're always allowed…but I can't make any promises Char won't interrupt." I smiled at him, trying to lighten the mood.

He hesitated, looking down and fiddling with a stray thread on his shirt. "Yes it is my fault. I let her do everything." Charlotte opened her mouth to disagree but I motioned to her not to. I wanted to hear his side and I was afraid if she butted in once more we'd never get him to talk again. "I did deserve it. I guess you could call it karma for killing all those people. Humans and vampires. And I loved her." That took me by surprise. I'd always known she was controlling him somehow but I never imagined her taking advantage of his devotion to her. I could almost see them in the beginning. She had to have been kinder then to gain his trust. It was hard to believe he just laid down and let her do whatever she pleased but I'd witnesses a few punishments. Newborns driven mad after being starved for weeks to the point that we had to kill them off before they turned on us. Limbs being bitten off. Maria had terrified all of us but I imagined she had to do worse to get him under that kind of control if he didn't even think of fighting back.

"Jasper…I understand you feel that way now but it's not true. She lied, okay? Maria lied. She did it all the time. I doubt anything she told you at all was true," Charlotte responded in a quiet tone. I heard his breathing pick up again. The fear that brushed me made me want to hide.

"A-Ah'm sorry." His accent became more pronounced as the panic grew. I forced myself to be calm for his sake.

"Hey, hey. It's okay." I made my movements slow and obvious as I stood, gingerly walking towards him to put one hand on his shoulder. Although I knew it was impossible for him to have grown, he seemed a lot taller. "You're safe here." I felt stupid, reassuring this scarred man who was so many decades older than me I didn't even want to know how much younger I was than him. I felt like a child reassuring a parent over a serious matter they knew nothing about. "You're okay. You're okay." He was shaking then, hard enough it shook me. I moved to put one arm around his shoulders, frowning when he cringed. "I'm not going to hurt you. No one's going to hurt you. She can't touch you ever again." I'd never seen him this upset. He never would've dared show this back at camp. I kept the meaningless babble up, constantly repeating that he was safe here. "She can't find you here. You're okay." A sob escaped him.

"Ah'm d-disgusting. H-How can you e-even stand to look at me?" He raised his eyes, now blood-shot and redder than before with tears that would never come. We could give him this. He needed a breakdown before he rebuilt his walls and shut us out.

"Because I don't see what she did. I don't see a monster or someone who's done some…bad things. I see someone who's been brutalized, betrayed and abused. I see a victim." Charlotte whispered the last part and Jasper exhaled a shuddering breath. I had no idea if what she said helped but he seemed to calm down a little.

"Is that what you're afraid of? Us seeing you differently?" I questioned gently. He nodded very slowly. "We'd never judge you on that. That means nothing to us. And you left it, didn't you? And…I wouldn't have judged you even if you had…wanted it. I wouldn't have understood but I wouldn't have shunned you. Just because you didn't fight back doesn't mean anything. That was your instinct by then."

"She could've gone after someone else," he whispered. His voice had stopped shaking but his body hasn't and his breath still hitched occasionally. "You, even." Then it hit me. Jasper didn't want anyone else to take his place and have to suffer under Maria's hand. He'd rather take all the blows and insults then be free and see someone else endure it. He wanted to protect his men, even if they would never know and never appreciate it. A newborn couldn't possibly understand that. But I did. And it made me want to cry, knowing that he cared so much for people who didn't give a damn about him.

"That's over now, got it? She'll never do that again. If she even tries, I'll rip her head off."

"And I'll gladly tear the rest of her apart," Charlotte chimed in again. I chuckled. My adorable little warrior. "What? I'd make her die slowly." She caught me staring and folded her arms across her chest, expression defiant.

"I have no doubt you would or can….but you will probably never get the chance." I motioned back to Jasper, making sure she knew he was our top priority. Getting revenge on Maria could wait. Stabilizing Jasper and keeping him in the house was first. A high-skilled, highly dangerous, distraught vampire running through town would not bode well. "How about we all just sit down and relax for a few minutes?" I took Charlotte's hand and guided her back over to the couch. I sat down first and pulled her into my lap. Jasper took a chair, hands tense on the armrests, legs slightly apart to make getting up easier. I exhaled slowly, pushing calm out to him in an attempt to get him to stop being so rigid. He had all the reasons to be but I wanted him to let his guard down for once and really know that if he did, no one would hurt him. He didn't have to be so paranoid and tense all the time. _One step at a time, _I reminded myself. _One step at a time. _

**I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and it only took me a couple of days fortunately. Review please! It's what keeps us writers going. **


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